Often, it’s easy to see what a game developer was attempting to do, but sometimes your brain skips like a vinyl record as it struggles to figure out just what the heck you are looking at. In honor of these weird, wacky and wonderful titles, I’ve collected five of gaming’s most bafflingly insane creations, most of which will probably lead to you failing a background check.

Predictably, there are countless candidates, often in the “adult” and “dating simulator” categories. Many of these can’t be presented here simply for decorum’s sake, but some runners-up included games centered around human-animal hybrids who dress like Nazis, a literal parade of supernatural beings and I mean “parade” as in marching bands and floats, stalking girls on the subway, several titles involving Elf slavery, and the free to play “I Love You Colonel Sanders,” that was actually commissioned by KFC which should have been titled “Help we desperately need a new ad agency.”

#1: Hatoful Boyfriend.

From the “Internet Hemingway” Category comes Hatoful Boyfriend, a title that follows the usual dating game tropes, except almost everyone is a bird. Fun fact: Hato is “pigeon” in Japanese in case you didn’t suspect.

This masterpiece has the most convoluted backstory possible to justify its insane premise. Apparently, most of the humans in this reality have been killed by (wait for it) Bird Flu and birds either became sapient or were just pretending all this time. Anyway, Your POV character is a human girl who lives in a cave and attends a prestigious bird academy where she searches for her true love, uh lovebird? The other characters are just as bananas as the premise and include a foodie track star, a snooty aristocrat and a ghost. All of whom are birds. One of these potential love birds is also a serial killer who woos you by serving you one of your potential boyfriends, uh, birdfriends? For dinner.

The bird says “you can’t go commando in a maid cafe.” I beg to differ.

Chose the wrong birdfriend and the killer will murder you and preserve your head in a jar. Despite the fact that the character should be able to defeat any of these birds by hitting them with her handbag.

Pick the correct one and that birdfriend will reveal himself to be a wizard, morphing the game into a turn-based magical combat struggle with the killer as the final boss. Which I repeat, should not be a terrible foe. If for some unsolved mysteries reasons, you want to play this title, it's available on Steam for $9.99 as is its Holiday themed sequel. Yes, it has a Holiday Themed Sequel if you need more crazy in your life.

#2: Kinect Star Wars

From the “You’re fired!” category comes this pile of steaming Bantha Podo. The game as a whole isn’t insane by itself, it’s certainly awful and contains some of the worst character renders since Jar Jar, but that’s not why we’re here. The hottest garbage in this dumpster fire of a game is one of the most famously bonkers mistakes in gaming history. The Galactic Dance Off! You can bust a move to Star Wars themed versions of (once) popular songs spun for you by none other than DJ Lobot, proving once and for all that Star Wars learned nothing from the Holiday Special.

#3: Shower With Your Dad Simulator 2015: Do You Still Shower With Your Dad?

Fresh from the “devastatingly awkward” category is this gem that probably alerts a social worker whenever someone downloads it. Jokes aside, this isn’t quite as bad as the title implies, and I highly suggest Erik do a full review.

Your POV character is one of a number of 8-bit pixelated boys using a public shower. With your equally pixilated and anatomically correct 8-bit dad. It has several game modes, but the basic idea is to stay with the correct Dad and not get lost. In fairness, this is a bit of a parody of the rash of simulation games popular at the time. I considered actually trying this, but I don’t want to end up on another watch list. Its a whole dollar on Steam if you want a SWAT team crashing through your ceiling.

#4: Killer 7

I own the original game and I’m not sure whats going on.

From the “Can’t tell creative and crazy apart.” Category comes this title from 2005 which is certainly the best game on this list. Where you play an old man in a wheelchair (voiced by Dwight “Howlin Mad Murdoch” Schultz himself, who in a kind of psychotic version of Charlie’s Angles, can assume physical control of one of the seven members of his team of assassins, each with their own unique skills. With these, you do battle with shape-shifting mutants that only you can see.

But wait, there’s more! You are also the only one who can see a rogue’s gallery of ghosts, one of whom resembles “The Gimp” from Pulp Fiction, who drops in on a bungee cord. If you would like to try this uh “innovative” title which has rightfully garnered a cult following, a remastered version is available on Steam for $19.99.

#5: My Girlfriend Is the President

That is definitely a chrysanthemum on the podium. NOT a Bald Eagle.

Fans of the Infinite Monkey Theorem will love this combination of pornography, alien invasion and international politics.

You see one morning; an alien starship crashed into the White House and killed the Japanese Government. Yes, I said White House and Japanese Government. Just roll with it. Anyway, to cover up their mistake, the aliens used some sort of mind control to make everyone think the girl who lives next door to you is the President… Of The United States of Japan which …whatever… Because you are the only one who was unaffected by the alien mind control and therefor know the truth, you are appointed Vice President. Because, of course, you are. Anyway, you can choose to pursue relationships with a variety of (very) young girls, including the President and other world leaders, who have also been replaced by young women. Along the way, you help solve a nuclear crisis and navigate a love triangle between yourself, your President and Russian President Putina. THAT aged well didn’t it?

But wait, there’s more! Being teenagers, you all still have to attend high school, where one teacher is a Panda bear and another is an alien who looks like a combination of the Pope, Emperor Palpatine and my college french professor and turns out to be the game's final boss.

The game has a website which you can Google if you need something to play while waiting for those nice young men in the clean white coats to come and take you away, he he, ha ha, ho ho.

Five of gaming’s most bafflingly insane creations